Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
