im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
this hospital has no fireball
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
