we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Success! We fucked roommates!
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