I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
