So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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