Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
