When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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