lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
