Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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