I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
