im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
