wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
