Already got asked if we're dating
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
