You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
