you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
