if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize