Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
