Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
