It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
