ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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