Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
