She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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