Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
