is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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