i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you traded sex for a burrito?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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