If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
your room smells of hookers.
And success
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
