I am puke
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
