Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
