my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
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First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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