I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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