After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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