just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
