they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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