looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
