I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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