worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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