Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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