im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
