i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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