haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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