What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
