life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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