I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
