dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
