This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
