lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
