im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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