he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
