i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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