were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
