I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
