apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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