It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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