I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
