apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
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I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
dude. I can hear the air.
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