walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
