The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
