Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How's work?
Spinning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
